Most
women our age can readily tell you which part of their body they are most
self-conscious about or feel is their least attractive. For years we were deluged
with stories, articles, and advice about how to fix whatever was wrong.
For
me, it was my belly. I would read headlines like: “Flatten your belly in 10
days!” “Lose the belly weight,” “How to have a flat stomach,” and “How to dress
to hide your belly!” And how many of us read the advice to always “hold-in your
stomach”?
But
things are changing. As part of being an entrepreneur in my 60s, I have contact
with numerous millennials. Many of them are advocates of something they call
Body Positivity. It has been a revelation to talk with them about this, so I
thought I’d share what I learned with the Sixty and Me community.
Here
are a few tenants of body positivity:
- Accept and appreciate the body you have.
- Help others feel comfortable with their
bodies. - Know that beauty comes in all sizes.
- Know that our bodies do change in relation to
age and circumstance (pregnancy, illness, exercise, dietary changes, menopause,
etc.). - Believe all bodies are miraculous.
- Accept responsibility for your body; treat it
with love and care. (This does not mean conforming to a certain size culturally
deemed appropriate.) - Love yourself and your body.
- Care for your body via appropriate rest, good
nutrition, exercise, appreciation. - Know you can be fit and healthy without being
an exact size.
I
thought about this for a long time and wondered how it would manifest for me, a
woman in my 60s, having had a partial mastectomy, and still struggling with
feeling good in my own skin. So, I created a list of my top 10 body positivity
tips.
Many
of us have gone down the negative thought spiral for way too long. Here are
five things I suggest you stop doing:
#1: Stop Thinking Media Images Are Accurate
In
the past, we heard about photos of models being “air brushed” by the magazine.
Today, images are changed in a myriad of ways.
We
can no longer assume the images are an accurate portrayal of the person behind
the camera. In fact, I think it is better to err on the side of assuming they
have been enhanced in some way.
#2: Stop Accepting Anyone Else’s Opinion or Judgment About Your Body
People
seem to feel free to make comments and suggestions without being asked. Maybe
they think it’s for “your own good.” I have decided I will no longer accept any
unwanted advice or criticism. I don’t feel a need to push back. I simply ignore
them.
#3: Stop Being So Self-Critical
We
are often harder on ourselves than anyone else ever might be. I have recently adopted
a self-listening practice. When I hear myself say, or even think, a harsh
thought, I stop and remind myself to be affirming not harsh.
#4: Stop Waiting for Your Body to Change in Some Way to Be Acceptable
I
buy clothes that fit and complement my body as it is. Do not wait until those
extra 10 pounds are off before buying a new dress. Buy the dress now. If it is
one size up, so what? Love that dress and rock wearing it.
Do
not think you have to tone your arms before you can even think about wearing
something sleeveless. Keep working on toning your arms to increase strength and
enjoy the accompanying muscle definition, but go sleeveless now.
#5: Stop Being Critical or Judgmental of Other Women’s Bodies
Again,
do some self-monitoring. You might be surprised by how often you are criticizing
other women. As you strive to be less self-critical, also strive to be less
others-critical. If you are with a group that engages in this kind of critical
talk, disengage.
Just
don’t participate or change the subject to something more uplifting. If that
doesn’t work, either leave the situation or speak up, saying something like, “I
try not judge other women’s bodies.”
Eliminating the negative is best done by engaging the positive. Try reframing your mind around these five positive actions:
#1: Start Looking for Media Images and Articles That Support Women’s Natural
Beauty
We
are seeing more models in a broader range of sizes. We are also seeing
commercials using real women as opposed to professional models.
Women
of all sizes have started posting their photos on Instagram, and though
sometimes there may be critical or cruel comments, there’s always pushback in
support of the brave woman. Patronize companies that have a wide range of sizes
available and promote body positivity. Let your dollars reflect your beliefs.
#2: Start Accepting and Loving Your Body as It Is
I
will never be a size 10 or even 12 again. So what? I can still choose clothing
that reflects and celebrates who I am as a woman right now. I no longer avoid
colors or prints that might make me look “too big.” I love color and I love
prints and have found beautiful pieces in each.
#3: Start Monitoring Your Thoughts and Words and Turn the Negatives into
Positives
I
practice turning statements around. For example, I take, “My belly is too big,
nothing looks right on me. No one makes clothes that fit and flatter me.”
Then
I turn it around to, “I am curvy in lots of places that can enhance my clothing
style and so are many other women. There are plenty of options out there now. I
am going to choose outfits that make me look and FEEL good.”
#4: Start Noticing What Is Right About Your Body as Opposed to What “Needs Improvement”
Instead
of obsessing about my belly, I am going to celebrate my slim ankles and toned calves
and buy some amazing shoes.
I
have strong shoulders and a nice neck. I am going to show them off by wearing
fitted sleeves and open necklines. I have gorgeous green eyes and will choose
outfits that bring out that color.
#5: Start Noticing What Is Lovely About Other Women’s Bodies and Appearance,
and When Appropriate, TELL Them!
I
have adopted a new practice of speaking up when I see something lovely about
another woman. It can be as simple as, “That scarf really complements your
outfit.” Or, “I love your dress, you look beautiful.” Or “I love seeing a woman
wear a hat with such style.” Or, “That necklace is so unique, how lovely!”
Or,
if it is someone I know has been working out, I’d say, “Wow I can really see
definition in your arms.” It is interesting to note the woman’s response. Some
struggle with accepting the complement and want to brush it off. Some are
surprised and pleased. So many return a big smile and just say, “Thank you!”
How
do you view your body? Are you critical of your curves and try to mask them? What
steps can you take toward being body positive after 60? After all, this is the
time to be authentic! Let’s have a conversation!